I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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