I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
