I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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