I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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