I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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