Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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