I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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