So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
