I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i dont even know how to be here
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
