She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
