sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
