If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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