At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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