well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
