youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
