Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
