My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize