and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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