i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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