Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
