remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
