eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
