Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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