It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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