just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
