take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
