cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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