I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
