Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
