Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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