I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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