Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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