She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
