He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
