His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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