It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize