Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
do nipples grow back?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
