last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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