you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
