fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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