I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
