Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
