did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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