All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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