Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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