I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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