remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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