I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize