he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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