A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
