Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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