I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
