I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
