I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
