It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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