Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
