1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
