Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
