I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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