i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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