dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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