i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
