I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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