So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
