This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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