He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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