we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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