the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
