so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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