i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
