I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
