i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
