Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
