New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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