my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
