you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
