You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
