I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
