is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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