my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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