i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
