she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
