Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
