i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
