that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize