I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
