Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
