Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
