I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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