Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
