I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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