I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
well you can't waste a boner
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
