I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
