I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't deserve a penis
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
