So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
