i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
