Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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