i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
