I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
